Wedding Blessings, Part 1

I had the pleasure of speaking at the wedding of two of my friends and ministry partners on June 13. Here is text of what I said regarding the promise of marriage:

Ravi Zacharias writes: “Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father.” I want to share with you today a little bit of how this synchronization has taken place.

On Monday, November 7, 2005, Paul and Jess went on their first date. Paul knew that Jess just happened to love the music of Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman, and so he made sure that he just happened to have an extra ticket to see them in concert. I was there at that concert. And I think it is so very fitting that a worship concert where the theme of the evening was the indescribable glory of God was the first thing that brought these two together.

Paul and Jess officially started dating on Friday, December 30, 2005.

Just over two years later, they got engaged on a romantic Saturday night, February 9, 2008, at Hilda Crooks park in Loma Linda overlooking the city lights.

Now here we are, a year and four months later, celebrating a friendship that blossomed into love and a love that’s crescendoing today with a promise.

I remember, about five years ago, when I was starting to get to know Paul. He was excited about his faith and so eager to live for Jesus. At the time, he was talking about becoming either a pastor or a professor. So as his young adult pastor I tried to look for every opportunity I could for him to grow as a leader in ministry, and he certainly has. He has dedicated himself to loving God with all his mind, all his heart, and all his strength. Paul is a man of character with a generous heart and the wisdom to know how to save and when to give the resources God gives him.

For the last three years I have been getting to know Jess as well. What first struck me about her was her desire for more of God. She was tired of playing games and was ready to simply pursue God. She soon became the worship leader for our ministry on Friday nights then also on Sunday mornings. And now every week she plays a part in sparking a passion for the Lord in our hearts as well. Jess is a woman of integrity with a tender heart and she knows how to stand firm in her convictions.

Over the years, I have seen both Paul and Jess grow together as they have struggled through school; as they have taken on greater work responsibilities; as they have forged strong friendships; as they have begun new relationships with future in-laws; and as they have made plans for the future. Through it all has been their ever-deepening commitment to make God famous and to give their lives unreservedly for the cause of His kingdom!

And that is why we are here today, because two people with the same passion have found each other, fallen in love and decided they could better serve the Lord together than apart.

On their website, Paul and Jess have posted some quotes that give us insight into their heart concerning marriage. I want to share with you one passage in particular from the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It comes from the chapter entitled Christian marriage:

“The idea that ‘being in love’ is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made…

And of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry...

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. . . . You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘they felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married’, then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense—love as distinct from ‘being in love’—is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace of which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

Paul and Jess, you are about to make a promise to each other to faithfully choose to love one another no matter what the future holds, when you are in love and when you have doubts, when your hearts are full of joy and when your patience is wearing thin, when it comes naturally and when it requires much effort. And lest you think you are not up to the challenge of keeping such a promise, remember that it is the same promise our Lord has made to you: He will never leave you or forsake you. You can absolutely count on the fact that He will always be right there with you until the very end. “For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to will and to act for His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13).

Finally, you quote the playwright, Thornton Wilder, on your website and I want to read it here because it underscores how important the promise of marriage is: “I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them—it was that promise.”